Transcendental Meanderings: Decisions, decisions, decisions

Why is that sometimes, only sometimes mind you, people say the cruelest and curtest of things? I mean is it just that they are really hurting? Or do they truly mean what they say?

I was in conversation only the other day saying when I do happen to find myself in a verbal confrontation (altercation) personally I cannot find it in me to say something that I truly do not mean. Is that odd? Is it just me? It appears to be an uphill struggle and it seems to come so easy for others around me. Are you the sort of person who holds it all in, until finally you just let it all out and when it does come out it really makes no sense whatsoever?  If so that’s not good. Sure let it out but not on a “pity me” note. Sensible is good. If your rant does just fly, try to ensure it has a sense of cohesion to it.

I learned a valuable lesson many, many years ago, if you want or need to tell someone, tell yourself in a private book, diary or even email yourself (such is technology of today), it helps, it really does, your own personal thoughts… Only you know how the web works inside your mind. All those muddled up thoughts exposed to a sheet of white virginal paper.

We have all got history inside of us; some of us live with it, rationally, some of us go visit the doctor, some of us turn to drink and others, drugs. None of these are really very appealing. When ultimately we could talk with a stranger over coffee and feel better. A smile is sometimes all it takes.

I am a patient person, really I am, and it takes so much for me to get upset, angry even. Yet a simple phrase can hurt. I think I am a little over sensitive. But hey, we are all individuals. That’s what makes life so intriguing. Both physical abuse and verbal abuse are very trying which is worse you may wonder, they are probably both as bad as each other, although I think mental abuse can sometimes be harder to get over, if you ever do that is…

The decisions we make in our lives right or wrong are decisions that we as individuals have to live with, to face daily can be a tough ask even of oneself but we stick by them. Does that make us strong, I don’t know! Having had several memorable events take place in my life I have looked back and thought long and hard over the decisions that I made then. Were they right? Did I make the correct choice? I believe I did! They were for sure life changing. I know that these decisions affected several very close people at the time and to this day they are still affected… Does it hurt? Does it make me want to change? No… The decisions I made then are still the same I would make today, I wouldn’t change a thing. ”Quod nos non necat nos fortiores facit.”

Tough is not the word I would use. I live each day by those decisions and to this day feel my own hurt, and agonize over them. But as we all go through them I figure its just human nature to reflect. After all tomorrow is another day…

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